My earliest memories of getting my hair styled include me in the kitchen next to the stove, wincing as my mother sizzles through my hair with the hot comb. Yep, I'm from the old school, back when electric flat irons weren't even an option. Since I hated having my hair flat ironed and made it more of a chore than a quick and easy styling session for my mother, she went ahead and relaxed my hair--because that's what most black women did to their daughter's hair back then.
Of course, I had no notion of the dangers in having my hair relaxed, and it wasn't until I was in fifth grade, seeing a peer walk the hallways with her head down after having her edges burned away from a perm application, that I realized the very thing that straightened my hair and made it "pretty" could also really hurt me. In my childs mind I remember thinking myself lucky that my mom had never done that to me. Little did I know that even though my scars weren't visible, they were still there. My natural hair had been altered, the root, the shaft, the cuticle, everything was scarred.
When I turned 21 and entered cosmetology school, I began to learn about caring for natural hair and all of the negative things that chemicals do, not only to your hair, but to your scalp as well. I decided right away that I was stopping with the relaxers and that I would NEVER relax my daughter's hair. It just wasn't an option.
Lately, I've been in contact with mother's who are eager for their child to turn a certain age so that they can get their hair relaxed. I've heard many reason's for this, from manageability, to time consumption. I'm the type of person who wants to yell "Don't do it. Reconsider, read some liter-ature." But since it is not my child, I say instead, "Really?" and them try to give the mother some other options. Sometimes it is hard for me to bite my tongue, but more than anything I don't want to push my opinions on anyone else, especially when it comes to their child. I, myself, am fairly new to this and I'm still learning. Many women of color, have not the slightest clue of the fall backs of relaxers, or how to deal with natural hair. Not very long ago, I was just as uneducated in natural hair as well.
If I had a magic wand, I would wave it and make it so that all women with little girls who were considering relaxing their hair would know how to take care of the beautiful natural hair that their child has. But that's not possible, so instead I sit here typing my thoughts on it and hoping that at least one mother facing this situation comes across my little post and maybe changes her mind.
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3 comments:
After my disastrous encounters with my hair, my mother quickly educated herself. She has now resolved to never relax my younger sister's hair, and I am teaching her everyday that no matter what her curly hair is beautiful.
I think we should say something to all the mothers out there. Relaxers are super caustic chemical concoctions with great many consequences that most are unaware of or simply don't think about. I never had pink patches on my forehead from chemical burns but I've seen it and it's ugly and parents should be horrified at what this product can do to their baby girl's hair.
Hi Jadeite,
The reason why so many mothers are quick to relax their child's hair is because they got the same treatment from their own mother. It is a cycle that needs to be broken, but won't be without proper knowledge on how to take care of their child's natural hair.
That's why when I come in contact with someone about to go that route, I give them other options, tell them of different products and hair styles that they can try on their daughter's hair. Anything to help them see that it's not so difficult to refrain from relaxers.
I absolutely think that all mother's considering relaxing their little girl's hair should be educated on the possible and immediate consequences in doing so. But are there enough natural voices out there to accomplish that goal?
Also Jadeite, I tried commenting on your blog but couldn't. No comment box showed up. :(
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